FEAR OF CONFLICT ~

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Written by Stacy Kamala Waltman

“In order to get to a healthier and more productive place, we need to give up our fear of conflict, turmoil and resistance.” ~ John M. Gottman

Even as I write that, my hand tenses a little. The idea behind this audacious statement is that where there is conflict there is also a hidden desire, an opportunity to reach a greater understanding between people. That’s not how we usually view interactions that appear to punch holes in our understanding of how things “should” be.

Sam Keen writes, “Sometimes what looks like a fight is only the fierceness of love.”

When we fight, it is often due to the deep caring we have about something.  Sometimes that deep caring is the desire to preserve our limited understanding.  Sometimes the fighting is to preserve our ego or punish those who we think have done us wrong.  Yet, every now and then fighting is the result of a third entity, a force, seeking to achieve a union past the intractable mental concepts we have erected.  That force, that power acts like dynamite blasting through limited sight, capacity, and contraction. On the other side of these limitations is a broader, more peaceful way to interact in the world.  It allows for truths to exist that may be different from our own.  It is a place that is past self-righteousness.

In your next conflict, take a moment to stop and consider that no matter who you are or how much you have accomplished, most people are still bound by their limited sight, bias, opinions, judgments, concepts, etc.  Just remembering this fact will help to expand your state of mind and your capacity to see beyond current limitations.

A wise person once said, “Thoughts can create such a barrier that even if you are standing before a beautiful flower, you will not be able to see it. Your eyes are covered with layers of thought. To experience the beauty of the flower you have to be in a state of meditation, not in a state of ‘mentation’. You have to be silent, utterly silent, not even a flicker of thought – and the beauty explodes, reaches to you from all directions. You are drowned in the beauty of a sunrise, of a starry night, of beautiful trees.”

I invite you to join me on Facebook and on Twitter.  These vehicles not only keep you in touch with current missives, they also offer discounts to my stress management programs.

Blessings!

Copyright © 2010 Stacy K. Waltman and Kamala Yoga, LLC. All rights reserved.

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